Andy’s wife, feeling a sense of doubting herself, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the “miracle” products, she asks her husband, “Darling, honestly, if you didn’t know me, what age would you say I am?”
Looking over her carefully, Andy replied, “Judging from your skin, 20; your hair, 18; and your figure, 25.”
“Oh, you flatterer!” she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying …
“WHOA, hold on there, sweetie!” Andy interrupted. “I haven’t added them up yet!”
How often do you doubt yourself?
You’re not alone. I think we all do. At times we feel confident about ourselves and other times we feel very unsure about our talents, our looks and maybe even our personhood.
Madison Avenue has a great way of telling us, we don’t measure up, and we need their products to feel confident again.
I always wonder, who am I trying to measure up to?
Some doubting can be good. It makes us question things; examine our beliefs, or our behavior.
But toxic doubting can be very destructive to our soul.
“Good doubt is doubt that leads to constructive action,” In other words, good doubt works.
“Toxic doubt does just the opposite. It paralyzes you. You brood, you ruminate, and you wake up in the middle of the night.
Toxic Self Doubt
Damages our health
Causes the object of doubting to consume your thoughts
Disrupt your productivity
Reduces your ability to trust God
When we start self doubting we question our abilities, our decisions and begin to feel like a failure.
When we try to please everybody, we will never feel good about ourselves, or our decisions.
What Are Your Criteria for Success and Failure?
How we understand these two words will have an impact on how much we trust or doubt ourselves.
I struggled with self-doubt, much of my earlier life. I was always told “I was not good enough”, or “I didn’t know what I was talking about.”
When you have that voice from your past telling you those phrases over and over again you start doubting yourself.
It wasn’t until I started examining those beliefs that had been ingrained in me that I began to change for the good.
I realized my self-worth was not based on what other people thought but on what I believed about myself .
One of the great things that happened was, I read Matthew Fox’s book “Original Blessings.”
In his book he explains we are made in the image of God and it is GOOD. At our very core we have the seeds of the divine.
As we claim that goodness and let it grow in our soul, we begin to see ourselves in God’s eyes, not the world’s.
My criteria for what was success or failure changed.
I no longer used the criteria of other people but rather the criteria of God’s love, beauty, forgiveness, and grace.
This is How I Got Rid of Self Doubt
1.Don’t Make Assumptions.
I stopped making assumptions about the situation.
I had found myself making evaluations about people’s comments when I did not really know what they were thinking ,when they made their comment.
Here is an example of what I am talking about.
HIS AND HER DIARY FOR THE SAME DAY:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing.’
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him.
He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’ When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.
But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep – I cried.
I don’t know what to do. I really doubt myself as a wife and I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
His Diary:
Boat wouldn’t start, can’t figure out why.
See what I mean?
Don’t Make Assumptions About the Situation
Check it out. Get more information before you start to make decisions about what people are saying .
Find out what is and isn’t true. Peter Drucker, management guru, says that “once the facts are clear, the decisions jump out at you.”
2. Don’t Take It Personal
I would often take what people would say about me “hook, line and sinker.”
I then came to realize, the words that were spoken had much more to do about them then me.
Do you take things people say to you personally?
People’s remarks have so much more to do about what they are dealing with at the time.
If someone says “you’re pushy” it’s because they feel like they can be aggressive at times and don’t like that about themselves.
Or, they cannot stand up for themselves and they resent people who can. Either way, their remarks have a history within their own mind.
When people start criticizing you, or questioning your decisions, do you immediately start doubting yourself?
The next time something like that happens, say to yourself, ”Don’t take this personally. What they are saying is more about something they are dealing with.”
If you can let words that are spoken float on by and not stick in your heart you will be much more confident and stronger in yourself.
3. Get a Realistic Perspective
So often when we let our doubts fester inside we lose our perspective on the situation.
Find someone you trust, who you can talk to.
By talking about your doubts, you take their power away.
Thoughts and doubts have power over us when we keep them inside.
By naming our doubts and talking about them, we can get a new perspective on the situation.
When we bring our feelings, questions and doubts out into the open, it brings the light of day to the situation.
Have you ever found yourself ruminating about a situation through the night, not being able to sleep and then the next day you had a different perspective on the situation.
This happens when we express our feelings, doubts and thoughts to another person.
We all want to live life to the fullest. If you don’t remember anything else ,remember this.
God doesn’t make mistakes...
I doubt anyone will get anything from this 🙂
Just kidding
Be a Miracle
Jerry